There were no words to describe the level of pain that Greg had gone through in losing Xavier, time after time. His friends at the time had thought that Xavier was using Greg, or that he clearly had another lover somewhere that he was focused on. He could remember hearing every story in the book from people he knew back then, about cheating men, or men who used people for sex, and then left them, but Greg had known that wasn't true. He'd never understood why at the time, but he had known without any doubt that Xavier loved him. Because no matter how hard he'd tried to leave, Xavier had always come back to him, and what they shared was one of the most passionate romances Greg could've ever imagined. When Xavier made love to him, it was absolutely clear to Greg that he loved him. What they shared wasn't just sex, it was a connection beyond any Greg had ever felt before, and it was worth risking everything to him.
Until Xavier had left him again, and this time with such an air of finality that Greg was sure he was never coming back. It was honestly a miracle in itself that Greg had passed out when he did, or their story might have ended quite differently. "You know something, baby?" Greg murmured softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Xavier's bare shoulder. "Even when you left me, a part of me always knew you loved me. I just couldn't understand why you couldn't stay with me. I had no idea what I was dealing with, and you weren't to know that what you were feeling would be just as strong with me, too, if not more so because I didn't even know what you were. All I knew back then was that being without you was a pain I couldn't live with, and that the moment you were with me again... touching me and holding me and making love to me... all that pain was gone and I felt happy again. When you left, and made it so clear to me that it was the last time, that you had to put aside our relationship for good... I thought I'd never know what happiness felt like again, and that feeling just... it swallowed me up. I couldn't see any other way out, and I wanted to die." His eyes met Xavier's, as he thought it all over. "I don't fault you for how you handled it, my love. You had no idea what it was you were dealing with, and as you said... At your age, there was no one close by who was older than you. No one to guide you on the best way to handle it. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had. I'm just glad that you told me the truth, because losing you permanently would've destroyed me."
no subject
Until Xavier had left him again, and this time with such an air of finality that Greg was sure he was never coming back. It was honestly a miracle in itself that Greg had passed out when he did, or their story might have ended quite differently. "You know something, baby?" Greg murmured softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Xavier's bare shoulder. "Even when you left me, a part of me always knew you loved me. I just couldn't understand why you couldn't stay with me. I had no idea what I was dealing with, and you weren't to know that what you were feeling would be just as strong with me, too, if not more so because I didn't even know what you were. All I knew back then was that being without you was a pain I couldn't live with, and that the moment you were with me again... touching me and holding me and making love to me... all that pain was gone and I felt happy again. When you left, and made it so clear to me that it was the last time, that you had to put aside our relationship for good... I thought I'd never know what happiness felt like again, and that feeling just... it swallowed me up. I couldn't see any other way out, and I wanted to die." His eyes met Xavier's, as he thought it all over. "I don't fault you for how you handled it, my love. You had no idea what it was you were dealing with, and as you said... At your age, there was no one close by who was older than you. No one to guide you on the best way to handle it. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had. I'm just glad that you told me the truth, because losing you permanently would've destroyed me."