"I used to wish we never met," Xavier admitted quietly. It wasn't something he was proud of, and now enough time had passed that he had been able to forgive himself for it. But it was the whole truth, because he had convinced himself back then that things just would have been easier and safer. Greg wouldn't have been inflicted with the heartache of thinking Xavier didn't want him. "It was why I really wanted to be able to reach out to Seamus with all this and guide him with what he could be thinking and feeling, and how important it is to at least try to let natural instinct have the reigns on some level. That is, of course, not what I wish any longer, but back then, I had much to learn. I have a lot of knowledge, yes, but not of that. I did not understand what my own torment was. It did not occur to me, not even remotely. I just had no wish to lose control with you and harm you. None of it is an easy thing to look back on, I understand, but I do not think I would have done it any differently had I had another chance."

He glanced at the door of their large bedroom, thinking quietly for a few moments. "It is why I took decades to consider mating. It did take a lot of time for me to learn about a soul link, and to understand it. My life has just been having the luxury of time. I know how serious it all can be now, and I am ashamed I did not realise what a risk Luka could be at. I feel I have failed on many levels. Not just with you in the past, but perhaps here in the future when I should have known better," he lamented quietly.