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[desperatebeliever]

Holy fuck, all I want to do is puke in peace and I have two angry bitches having a bitchfight in my hotel room while I'm driving the porcelain bus in the bathroom.

Comments

[desperatebeliever]

That I kind of wanted to go in there and tell you to go fuck yourself. But when you told Jett you could help him, I didn't want to interfere in anything that might help him.

[kindredrevolutionary]

And now that you see what Jett became part of, do you feel like it was a help or harm to him?

[desperatebeliever]

I know it helped him. There's just no help for me with any of it. I'm just going to cut my losses.

[kindredrevolutionary]

I disagree. No one is beyond help, darling. It's just a matter of finding it. May I ask you something personal?

[desperatebeliever]

Yeah, I guess.

[kindredrevolutionary]

How does being with Seamus make you feel, as opposed to the rest of the time, when you're feeling miserable and maybe as if you'd rather just not live anymore?

[desperatebeliever]

Like I just want to be near him. Like I forget all the stuff that hurts, better than the pills even do. The pain stops.

[kindredrevolutionary]

Then you must hold onto that, darling. I will try my best to explain that to Jett somehow. He won't want you in pain if there's something that can help you not experience it.

[desperatebeliever]

Can he help someone who needs it more than me, though? What about that guy with cancer?

[kindredrevolutionary]

Not really, because his connection is not with Brodie, but with you.

[desperatebeliever]

I'm not worth it.

[kindredrevolutionary]

I'm afraid that is not your choice to make, darling. Someone else is looking after Brodie. Seamus wants to look after you.

[desperatebeliever]

I don't want him and Jett to hurt each other. It's like Jett can't control it. I mean, what is it like? Just when the feelings get too much and you don't know how to think straight?

[kindredrevolutionary]

It feels like there is absolutely no control left, and you have no choice but to do what you feel instinctually you must do.

[desperatebeliever]

I know what that feels like. Probably not in the same way, though.

[kindredrevolutionary]

The feelings may well be the same, even if the outcome is not.

[desperatebeliever]

I feel like I've messed everything up coming here.

[kindredrevolutionary]

Don't feel that way, darling. Your being here is a good thing... Especially for Jett.

[desperatebeliever]

I just lost it when I heard you talking to him, and I think it freaked me about telling him of his dad.

[kindredrevolutionary]

You know what... I never asked. How did you even know he was here?

[desperatebeliever]

His dad told me. His dad was only on a service pension, and he was waiting on a loan to fly over to New York to be with Jett, but he didn't have enough for staying there. Before he got that, he got news from the hospital Jett was dead. If he was just brought back to Australia, all of his father's expenses would have been paid, but because you wanted him in a different country, Jett's dad was kind of left without recourse. Which I'm not blaming you for. It's just bureaucracy. So after I... fucked up, I told his dad I'd come to see him and make sure he was okay.

[kindredrevolutionary]

Christ. His poor dad. After you "fucked up"?

[desperatebeliever]

He wasn't well since he heard Jett's mum passed. He had a lot of a guilt. Maybe he's at some peace now. Yeah, I had this mental breakdown and overdosed at a party my dad had.